Fear

I have 3 days until Chemo and I have anxiety over it. I dont want to be so sick I cant take care of my kids. I dont want to be in bed all day. I dont want diahrea for a week. Even with the Ileostomy it sucks. I pop Immodium like candy. The liquid breaks down the barrier on my ostomy wafer and it leaks.. then I have to change it. Its hard to put a new one on when I am still "functioning" and my skin is supposed to be dry for the new wafer to stick.

Anyway, I havent posted all week and I know I suck. I have been busy believe it or not. Work and Dr's appointments, and kids stuff.

Dr. R says I am doing great. She is the Colon and Rectal specialist who did my surgery. She is the best. I go back in April and we will plan for surgery in May to reverse my ostomy. I look forward to that but it will come with many challenges. I will have to train my colon to function as a rectum and I'll have some frequency issues as well.

I felt pretty good this week, I have energy for a few hours and then Im done. Harold has been such a big help.

I have been given the greatest gift of friendship. Those of you know who you are. Sending love your way.